i need an iv and a liver transplant
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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