hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't turn off my feet"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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