My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
