I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
