I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
