Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
