The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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