I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
