Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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