The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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