I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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