i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We have started to decorate penises.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
