So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
