he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
