I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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