if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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