i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just cut my nipple shaving
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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