I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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