we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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