I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
