They should really pass out barf bags in church
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
