So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
