Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
