All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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