I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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