I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
