You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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