I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
