Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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