So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
