Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i drank out of a bidet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
