Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
