Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
