Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
