i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
