dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
BRING THE BAGELS
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
