I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
