saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
