2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
