Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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