GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
