we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
birth control should be required to get into college
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
