how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
