took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
