Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
