someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
