That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
