I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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