I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
