Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
