Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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