I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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