Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
